Courageous Communication

Upcoming workshops online and in the West of England

2012-02-14T16:43:00.002Z

18 March: Self-empathy skills for sensitive people

Virtual gathering and practice by Skype

Level: All levels welcome. Trainer: Dorota Godby, Live the Gift

Furter info: http://www.livethegift.com/ltgeventsdiary.htm

23 April: Self-empathy skills for sensitive people

Virtual gathering and practice by Skype

Level: All levels welcome. Trainer: Dorota Godby, Live the Gift

Further info: http://www.livethegift.com/ltgeventsdiary.htm

29 April: Empathic living: NVC Practice Group for people who thrive on gentleness

First gathering to make agreements about the group

Level: Any level welcome. Trainer: Dorota Godby, Live the Gift

Further info: http://www.livethegift.com/ltgeventsdiary.htm

4 March, 22 April, 20 May - Needs and Requests, by phone/Skype

Work on needs and requests on a Sunday evening without leaving home

Level: beginner - intermediate

Trainer: Ray Taylor, Independent Trainer with www.NVC-UK.info

Further info: 01761 479562

28 April - Getting someone to change their behaviour, BRISTOL area

NVC isn't supposed to be about behaviour change, but what if you really want someone to be more kind/ethical etc?

Level: any

Trainer: Ray Taylor, Independent Trainer with www.NVC-UK.info

Further info: 01761 479562 or Skype andyraytaylor

25th March - Delicious Day for couples

A day for having an enjoyable time with your partner, with "boxing for love"

Level: any

Trainers: Dorota Godby and Ray Taylor

Further info: 01761 479562 www.DeliciousDays.co.uk

12th May - Delicious Day for couples

A day for having an enjoyable time with your partner, with "boxing for love"

Level: any

Trainers: Dorota Godby and Ray Taylor

Further info: 01761 479562 www.DeliciousDays.co.uk

Weekdays and evenings - coaching via phone or Skype

A free coaching session via phone or Skype

Level: intro - intermediate

Trainer: Ray and/or Dorota

Further info: 01761 479562

+ NVC west days Saturdays April 21 and June 30

NVC online practice - for beginners and experienced

2012-02-14T13:02:00.000Z

Beginners please check out www.NVCbeginners.com

For people who have some experience with NVC, we now have a free NVC practice group on skype twice a month. It's a very safe and intimate group, as we keep the group size to 4-5 people.

How the group works: Group lasts 1-2 hours. We start with a check in, and then (typically) see what is alive for people. Usually one person has more going on than the others, and so we offer empathy with that, or practice in whatever way feels appropriate. Sometimes several people have stuff going on and then we may split the time. We do a confidentiality check at the end, which is helpful because then we know what we've shared!

Joining: If you are interested to know more, please call me by Skype(andyraytaylor) or phone, so I can give you booking access and we can do a sound check. There is no charge and no commitment, except to turn up if you book on the doodle.
Timing: Session time currently is 4-5.45pm UT on Sunday or 7-8.45pm UT on Friday and we are experimenting with times that work better for California and Australia on Sunday/Monday.
Sound: The group is very intimate, thanks in large part to the high quality of sound we get from Skype. For this reason we ask people to arrange a quiet room, purchase a headset and ensure a fast internet connection (cable/ethernet, not wifi or mobile). Normal headphones may be OK for Mac users if you are willing to have your laptop very close to your mouth.

Other ways to practice:
We also have a group on Facebook, including chat 24/7, a parents group, an empathy service and a couples page:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/onlineNVC/
and a Facebook page for all online events and clips and practice resources:
https://www.facebook.com/NVCpractice

Making requests workshop

2011-12-16T11:33:00.000Z

Join us for an interactive online workshop to deepen your capacity for making requests.

We will:

practice crafting requests that are specific, doable and time-bound

look for efficient and easy ways to meet needs

gain awareness of needs that may come up around Christmas and prepare some requests

This will be an online event, so you can join from anywhere. You need to install Skype on your computer and a headset will help sound.

Price: £15 approx

To book: http://bigempathy.eventbrite.com/

Inspirations

2011-12-15T15:16:00.002Z

I loved this clip of adults and children doing NVC

I mostly share inspiring things and materials on the online practice group now, so for more like this, check out:

https://www.facebook.com/NVCpractice

See also this inspiring example:

We are all in this together. We are the us. Joanna Macy's gmail account was hacked a few days ago, as the hacker sent out spam from her assistant (Annie) requesting money from her 3,500 contacts! Google was very slow to respond but when learned of the BAAMplex! Service Space hacker story last year, Annie decided to approach the hacker directly. Fueled by inspiration and moved by love, Annie wrote a moving note and, lo a behold, the person behind the action responded and ultimately returned access to Annie! Here are some excerpts from Annie's note: "Dear Brother or Sister Hacker, ... I can tell you now that she [Joanna] is 82 years old, a teacher, author and person who has touched the lives of thousands and thousands of people. Have you had a chance to look at her website? [...] I want you to know I am not upset with you for what you have done and from my end I don't even need to pursue anything. I believe in restoration, not retribution. I want you to have the experience of restoring what has been broken, and not punished for what you have done. I understand why you did what you did." Sister Annie hacked into this brother's heart. "The heart that breaks open can contain the entire universe." Indeed! The SS posse paying-forward the kindness (R)evolution. ;-)

Delicious Day - event December 3rd

2011-04-12T16:47:00.002+01:00

www.DeliciousDays.co.uk

WHAT IS IT? A day to hang out and discover more of what helps women & men get on, informed by NVC and what works!

WHO'LL BE THERE? We are aiming for a 50-50 male-female balance in the group and limiting numbers to 10 people for a quality experience.Couples are welcome and so are singles/friends.

WHAT WILL WE EAT? We will provide a delicious, vegetarian lunch. Please bring along something you'd enjoy for afters or a soft drink.

CONTACT? Call Ray on 01761 479 562 or email Dorota at d@deliciousdays.co.uk

Spock on empathy (again!)

2011-01-03T22:38:00.000Z

It only knows that it needs ....... but, like many of us, it does not know what it needs.

Spock in Star Trek, the Motion Picture

John O'Donohue quote

2010-12-22T13:06:00.000Z

Praise the pure presence of fireThat burns from withinWithout thought of time.

- a useful reminder, to not worry about life passing by,
but to fully live it now

2 links on love

2010-12-17T10:46:00.000Z

from The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education
Range of compassion news: http://ccare.stanford.edu/news
Interview with researcher on compassion: (Tania Singer) http://ccare.stanford.edu/node/89

This is not true: "NVC can connect anyone to anyone, always"

2010-12-16T11:01:00.000Z

Many people express pain when they believe Nonviolent Communication should enable lasting connection between any two people - I would say there is absolutely zero hope of this* - but NVC can help two people get to unity quicker, for example, to get to agreement that they aren't going to be in regular contact. Since I reached this understanding I have had much less stress and conflict in my life, especially with NVC people!

* because of personality clashes, circumstances, preferences, differences in style, cultural differences, different priorities in NVC learning, different life priorities, and above all different needs in relation to communication/friendship at any one time.

Empathy with a former terrorist

2010-12-01T14:06:00.000Z

Dr Rosenberg, www.NonviolentCommunication.com

I had the experience of giving listening empathy to a former Tamil Tiger as part of an IIT with Marshall Rosenberg. Unfortunately I don't have a recording of this, but I really like this programme on hostage negotaitors:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/documentaries/2010/05/100524_thank_you_for_my_freedom.shtml
There's a beautiful example of human connection, right at the end, between a negotiator and a former captor.

empathy from Spock

2010-12-01T13:46:00.000Z

Marshall Rosenberg has pointed out that people often do terrible things because they want someone to know how they feel. There's a great example of this in the newest Star Trek movie. The bad guy Nero is very upset because his home planet was destroyed. He blames Spock and in order to get the empathy he needs he decides he will in turn destroy Spock's home planet. I can't find any clips that show Nero demonstrating this need for empathy, but here's the actor who plays him: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y7ZrTlsbok
Drawing by bglasgow, www.flickr.com, CC: attribution sharealike

more on compassionate emailing when angry

2010-11-30T10:59:00.000Z

OK let's say you have to communicate urgently,

you can't phone a friend and none of the other suggestions work so you're just going to go ahead and write an email with quite a few points in it............ remember:
YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPLY TO EVERY POINT

Don't look at the original email/text which set off your anger. Instead work out the most important things you need to say right now.
Write the email, broken into parts.
Try to work out what need of yours you are trying to meet in each part - if it doesn't seem likely that the reply from the other person will meet that need - delete!
Email it to yourself
Imagine you are the other person reading the email - does each part meet any need of yours? If not - delete.If yes - clarify that you are hoping to meet that need of the other person's.
You'll then (hopefully) be left with just 1-3 paragraphs that may meet a need of both yours and the other persons, and contain a simple, doable request.

Photo credit: Tambako the Jaguar, www.flickr.com

more on compassionate emailing and texting

2010-11-30T10:37:00.000Z

So let's suppose you're angry and you feel you HAVE to communicate very soon, and the phone is not an option. The best tip is:

First call a friend and get a good listening to:

The friend should be someone who:
- listens first
- won't join in with your negative perceptions of the person concerned, but will instead help you get in touch with your unmet needs
- ideally someone who is skilled in empathic listening
- with this friend:

Try to work out what needs of yours you are trying to meet by sending whatever message you now want to send - you may find that you can better meet the need in another way.
Check out the comments after this post for an example.
It's good to have an list of empathy friends to call or Skype i.e. people who have agreed to offer this support to you. People often agree to support each other in this way, but this is optional, especially for beginners.

Photo credit: HMV

Compassionate texting

2010-11-24T10:50:00.000Z

Text messages can be even more difficult than emails to do in a way that connects rather than alientates, especially if you are angry. The saving grace is that they are quite short!

Remember, if in doubt, call!!!

If calling is impossible, consider a question rather than an angry statement. For example, rather than "I told you not to text me on this number!" try instead

"Do you remember we talked about this being my personal number?"

All the best!

Photo credit: kiwanga www.flickr.com

Online practice group

2010-11-18T16:07:00.000Z

This will be using the internet, and will start in May 2011.

* especially for people who are in places with few NVC folk

* will help develop skills

* good internet connection needed

* call +44 7501 444047 for more info

For more info or to register, call +44 7501 444047 or skype: andyraytaylor

It will run for 8 weeks with a small charge.

Photo credits: Augapfel and Klessblog, www.flickr.org

How not to annoy people

2010-11-18T11:55:00.000Z

So many of us start talking to someone without checking if they have willingness to listen - this is a suicidally bad strategy. Always start communicating by checking if it's a good time ....... unless you are sure that it is.

Photo credits: Flickr William R Franklin and carbonNYV

Compassionate emailing #2

2010-11-18T11:51:00.000Z

Top tip:
Pick up the phone!

Disadvantages of email:

the other person can't hear the tone of your voice, or where you are putting stress in the sentence.
you can't hear the other person's reaction, and pause to clarify
you can't check of this is a good time for communication

So if at all possible:

pick up the phone and ask if this is a good time to talk.
Or send an email and arrange a time to talk.

Photo credit: www.flickr.com frerieke

Advantages of Skype

2010-11-17T16:50:00.001Z

* you can SEE the baby
* you can work from home
* sound is great
* it's free ( from www.skype.com)
* you can look at the same screen

Photo: www.flickr.com/photos/goforchris/1356119961/sizes/m/

Compassionate e-mailing #1

2010-11-11T12:48:00.000Z

... is one of the hardest things in the world.
Top tip:
........Never email when angry!

if you need to write, fine, but send the email to an address of your own, or to a friend who is expecting it, not to the person connected to the anger
find a friend to talk to/phone about the anger, and what you would have liked instead of what happened
figure out how you can get what you need without involving the original person
try to guess what they may have been needing when they did what they did
work out whether you want to contribute to their well-being by communicating with them (and if you don't, best to avoid communicating or ask for a personal meeting, ideally with a friend who likes you both)

Nonviolent Communication / NVC via Skype and telephone

2010-11-10T13:32:00.000Z

Hi!

Welcome to NVC / Nonviolent Communication by phone and Skype!

I also offer mediation by phone and Skype.

Ray

Current location:

Bristol Bath west

England

Testing:

NVC by Skype

NVC on Skype

Nonviolent Communication by Skype

Nonviolent Communication on Skype
communication skills
communication coaching